How to Move a Parent with Dementia to Assisted Living: A Compassionate Guide

Making the decision to move a parent with dementia into assisted living is one of the hardest choices a family can face. It is not just about logistics; it is about safety, quality of life, and the heavy emotional weight that comes with changing a loved one’s home.

If you are reading this, you may have noticed that “home” is no longer the safest place for mom or dad. Perhaps you are exhausted from 24/7 caregiving, or you are worried about their wandering, nutrition, or isolation.

At Chelsea Senior Living, we believe this transition doesn’t have to be a battle. With patience, empathy, and the right preparation, you can partner with your parent to make this move a positive step forward. Here is how to navigate the process with dignity.

1. Recognizing the Signs

Often, families wait until a crisis occurs—a fall or a wandering incident—to make a move. However, proactive moves often lead to better outcomes.

While every individual is different, there are common indicators that staying at home is no longer sustainable. Safety concerns are usually the primary driver; if your parent is leaving the stove on, getting lost in familiar places, or suffering unexplained bruises, these are red flags that cannot be ignored. 

Beyond physical safety, pay attention to social withdrawal and hygiene changes. If your loved one has stopped engaging in hobbies or is forgetting to bathe, they may be struggling with the confusion of managing their own day-to-day life. Finally, do not overlook your own caregiver burnout. Your health is essential to their well-being.

2. Initiating the Conversation

Talking about moving is emotional. Unlike a standard move, your parent may not fully understand why this is happening due to cognitive decline. The goal is not to “win” an argument, but to make them feel heard and safe. 

The best approach is to treat this as a process, not a one-time announcement. Start planting seeds early by mentioning that the house is becoming difficult to maintain or expressing your worry about them being alone. 

When they express resistance, it is crucial to validate that feeling rather than fighting it. You might say, “I know you love this house. I love it too. I just want to make sure you are safe.”

When discussing the move, highlight the benefits that specifically matter to them. If they are lonely, focus on the social events and coffee clubs. If they are tired of cooking and cleaning, talk about the restaurant-style dining and housekeeping services. If the conversation becomes agitated, simply pause and step back. Try another day when tensions are settled.

3. Finding the Right Community

When you visit potential communities, try to look past the chandeliers and furniture to see the heart of the place. Visit together if possible, and pay close attention to the atmosphere. Is it calm? Is there plenty of natural light? These factors heavily influence anxiety levels in dementia patients.

Observe how the staff interacts with the residents. Do they know them by name? Are they engaging them in conversation? You should also ask about “Aging in Place” to ensure the community can continue to handle your parents’ needs even as their dementia progresses.

4. Packing Intentionally: Recreating Home

When packing for memory care, the goal is to transfer the feeling of home, not just the contents. Try to replicate their bedroom layout as closely as possible. If their nightstand is always on the left side of the bed, place it on the left in their new apartment. 

You should also bring your parents’ familiar, worn items. Favorite items like blankets, family photos, and furniture, rather than buying new, unfamiliar furniture, will be very helpful. These visual cues act as anchors, helping them feel safe the moment they walk in.

Be sure to label clothes and personal items clearly to prevent them from getting lost during community laundry services.

5. Managing Moving Day

Moving day is stressful, but you can reduce anxiety by planning around your parents’ routine. We strongly recommend scheduling the physical move for the morning. Many people with dementia experience “sundowning” (increased confusion or agitation in the late afternoon), so moving early allows them to settle in while they are most alert.

We also encourage you to spend some time helping them adjust. Unpack their favorite items immediately so the room feels recognizable. Walk the grounds with them, introduce them to a friendly staff member, or sit with them during a meal. Trust the staff to guide you on when it is time to say goodbye for the day, as they are experts in helping residents transition into the evening routine.

6. The Adjustment Period

It is normal for there to be bumps in the road. This is a major life change, and it can take 30 to 90 days for a new resident to fully settle into a routine. Thus, you should expect both good days and bad days. There will be times when they enjoy the activities, and times when they ask to go home. When this happens, validate their feelings and gently redirect them to an activity they enjoy. 

Regular visits are important to reassure your parent that they haven’t been abandoned, but it is wise to ask the Care Director for advice on the best times to visit to minimize separation anxiety during those first few weeks.

Reach Out for Personalized Guidance

Guilt is a common emotion for families, but remember: you are making this move for them, not to them. You are ensuring they have the 24/7 safety, nutrition, and social joy that is impossible to provide alone at home.

At Chelsea Senior Living, our Memory Care communities are designed to honor your parents’ past while ensuring their safety in the present. We are here to partner with you every step of the way.

Schedule a tour today to meet our compassionate team.